The other day I was lying in a beautiful forest surrounded by birds and bees (literally) and I started to get really irritated.

I look around at the industry I'm part of and all I see is ‘bigger, faster, more, better, orgasm orgasm orgasm’ and quite frankly I find it exhausting.

On top of that, after my post last week about the medicine of orgasm, I received several messages from people who don't orgasm and were feeling left out. Isn't it often the case with social media that we feel left out?

The last thing I want to do is leave people out. I was one of those women who struggled to orgasm, so I understand this feeling.

What I wrote to them was – orgasm is not actually the most important thing. What matters is our ability to love and connect.

I get tired of glorifying orgasm and yet for this work, our message is teaching the world that the cervix is more than a reproductive organ, so we need to talk about it. 

But also...does it really matter as much as feeling love in your heart and pleasure in your body?

When so many of us find it difficult to orgasm at all, the glorification of orgasm (marketed everywhere) feels like another pressure for women and that hurts my soul.

Would you be interested in this work if I told you it's actually about healing? It's not as sexy is it. But it's the truth.

That's right; this work is not just a story of orgasm (though that’s one byproduct), it’s actually a story of HEALING.

When I say healing – I don’t mean fixing – I mean remembering our wholeness and connection.

Wholeness and connection gives you the ability to relax, receive, create and communicate. Remembering our wholeness is a journey which ebbs and flows.

Spiritual teachings will say we are ultimately all healing our separation from Source. That's what seekers do – they want to get closer to god/source/universal mind. This occurs through orgasm, meditation, being in nature, listening to music or anything that elicits a trance state.

So orgasm itself is healing and connecting us to ourselves, yes, but it's only a small part of the process.

To heal disconnection from self and source, we learn to clear the remnants of resistance in the body, mind and heart.

So in my case, the healing led to the orgasm. But the byproduct of healing might be different for everyone.

3 ways that this journey is about healing:

1. Body: I regularly de-armour my vagina to release all the ways I hold the ancient patterns of protection in my body – the places I've tightened up or clenched in order to not feel pain. I also work with my nervous system to help me settle into physical relaxation and safety. All this work is helping me to find a home in my body

2. Mind: In my mind, I tend to my resistance when orgasm doesn’t emerge. I accept where I am at and this is very loving for me. I let myself be. This also allows me to open up a vision for myself that isn't blocked by self-doubt or disbelief. I have stopped pushing for a goal – another form of tension – and I keep relaxing my mind into the moment, trusting that I am supported.

3. Heart: I tend to my wounded emotional body through Self:Partnership – I address my childhood wounds, my heartbreaks, my fear of intimacy. I find ways to feel and release old grief and disappointment. I heal my inability to speak up and express myself which completely changed my libido for the better. I am always learning how to love myself and take care of myself in relationship.

There are so many things we do when it comes to sexual healing which is NOT about orgasm. We can get so hung up on the outcome that we fail to see all the beautiful unfoldings that occur within us along the way.

AsRalph Waldo Emerson said: “It’s about the journey, not the destination”, and this couldn’t be more true in the work we do.

Self:Cervix is a medicine path; restoration work for the body and soul. Let’s not fixate on the goal of orgasm but open to the emerging process of awakening.

The most important thing we can all learn to do is learn how to love our bodies and hearts, AND learn how to share love the best we can.

The rest is a nice bonus!

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