You were born orgasmic – there are sonographic images of babies in utero masturbating. Before conditioning, you knew how to pleasure yourself. You knew the medicine of pleasure. You knew that your body was born to feel – all of it. You had no problem exploring pleasure through your body and senses, you had no problem protesting in pain. Feelings, emotions and sensations were your lived experience. Over time, we start to accumulate various kinds of resistance to this natural state and so, block the medicine that is available to us naturally.
You were born orgasmic – there areultrasound imagesof babies in utero masturbating. Before conditioning, you knew how to pleasure yourself. You knew the medicine of pleasure. You knew that your body was born to feel – all of it. You had no problem exploring pleasure through your body and senses, you had no problem protesting in pain. Feelings, emotions and sensations were your lived experience. Over time, we start to accumulate various kinds of resistance to this natural state and so, block the medicine that is available to us naturally.
Sometimes resistance is necessary to protect us from pain. Other times it's unconscious – like I notice when I'm in traffic or sitting at this computer – my pelvic floor is climbing high!
There are three main areas where we resist the medicine of orgasm
- Resistance in our mind – "I don't believe this could happen for me", "My body won't do this", "I feel shame about making sound." Get clear about the stories you tell.
- Resistance in the body – Painful sexual experiences or fear of intimacy can store in the tissue of the body. Every time you have sex, you might notice unconscious holding in your belly or pussy. Notice how you hold tension physically.
- Resistance in the heart – Do you suppress emotions because you're afraid of being too much or too emotional? Can you express how you feel? Do you feel ashamed of tears or anger? Can you speak with your partner openly and honestly?
The great thing about the orgasm journey is the deeper you go into pleasure, the more easily you drop resistance.
Resistance causes a spike in cortisol (stress hormone) – it's a defence state. Whereas, when you learn to move towards pleasure, arousal and orgasm, you give yourself access to an array of feel-good chemicals and hormones.
Pleasure chemicals produced during arousal and orgasm:
- Dopamine – pleasure, happiness
- Oxytocin – love, connection and bonding
- Norepinephrine – euphoria
- Serotonin – elevated mood
- Endocannabinoids – happiness, pleasure, immunity
- Opioids – pain relief and euphoria
- Vasopressin – associated with safety
- Plus cortisol levels go way down reducing stress
The medicine of orgasm opens when you forget about the goal.
If you want to get naturally 'high' – pleasure yourself for as long as possible without the goal. As much as you might 'want' something, the wanting implies a lack. If you focus on what's not happening, this can cause distress. So instead, forget about the goal and enjoy as much pleasure as you can in the moment. See where it leads.
After I gave up 'striving' for orgasm, I felt so much more relaxed and free. Focussing only on pleasure kept me present and appreciative of my body. I'd call the 'high' I achieved through a lot of arousal 'my orgasmic state'.
This was a very self-affirming strategy and deep medicine for my soul to just give myself a break from having to climax.
We lose the medicine of orgasm the minute we start comparing our experience to others. One of the hardest parts of teaching cervical orgasm is not undermining all the other ways we can enjoy our bodies. Comparing is dangerous and unnecessary. You are where you are and striving to have something else is undermining the gifts of your present moment exploration. It also isn't great for self-esteem. I used to get so upset when I'd hear teachers telling me that my clitoral orgasm was 'nothing' compared to a cervical orgasm. It isn't nothing – it is a jolt of delightful pleasure. It was my one hook into feeling like an orgasmic woman. Even though I needed a vibrator the size of a power tool to get me there, at least I could feel. At least I could say 'I did it' and so that was ok for me. This is a sex positive attitude which says all pleasure is good and just do what is good for you.
Aside from the neurochemistry, part of the medicine of orgasm is upping your bedroom self-confidence! When you care about your body and your pleasure, you realise you can't go along with things that hurt or feel less than good. You want more! You are worthy of more! And so begins the empowering medicine journey of deep orgasmic states.
I remember being in a relationship with a guy (for years) and he was not that into sex. I would ask for a small amount of intimacy and he would roll his eyes or make excuses. I know now that he lacked confidence and so intimacy was a burden for him. However, I chose to stay and accept crumbs. Needless to say, I wasn't orgasming.
Self-esteem is some of the best medicine that orgasm, pleasure and arousal can provide:
If you want the medicine of orgasm and you keep shying away from your pleasure, now is the time to raise your self-esteem so that you feel confident enough to go for it. Bedroom confidence results in:
- Longer arousal time – because you ask for it! (40 minutes is great) – more yummy feel-good chemicals.
- A sense of deep relaxation – you're not thinking, your heart is open and your body is free – finally a break from doubting yourself!
- Self-paced focus – hGoing slow helps you focus and ask for what you need. It's ok to go at your own pace.
- A heart connection – with yourself, with life, with your lover. The more emotional safety you create, the deeper you can go.
- An open, goalless mind with no expectations and a lot of patience – You now choose to love yourself and love where you are on your journey.
Our course,Self:Partnership is all about cultivating self-esteem for healthy, sexually alive, intimate relationships.
All orgasm offers a medicine. All orgasms offer pleasure. It's important not to judge your orgasm or what kind of orgasm you have (or don't have). That's why comparing orgasms isn't usually that useful. It's better to celebrate pleasure in all its forms. Even if you aren't experiencing orgasm (yet), you can still receive many benefits through prolonging your pleasure.
Clitoral orgasmis fun, tingly and bright. Sensation tends to be localised to the pelvic area but with focus, you can move it through your body. It can relieve a headache, release stress and tension or help you sleep.
We recommend building pleasure over time and staying on the edge of orgasm for a while, increasing the pleasure in your body. When you do finally orgasm, focus on your heart and imagine this energy spreading around your body with your breath.
Sometimes clitoral orgasms aren't medicine
Sometimes clitoral orgasms can become addictive – similar to seeking a drug high. Something else to note is that the increase in dopamine followed by prolactin causes a 'crash' effect which can have a dulling effect, making you sleepy or at worst cause a sense of disconnect.
There's a self-soothing aspect to it which can be medicine unless you're avoiding something that needs to be felt. Like with all things, pleasure is good unless it's being used to mask pain. If that's the case, before going for an orgasm, explore what might be there to be felt – sadness, loneliness, anger. Give space to feel first or seek support if you need it.
For deeper orgasms
The deeper you go inside of yourself for orgasm, the more you need to be able to relax, open and receive. This is the physiological state shift. You literally move into more parasympathetic dominance – which just means you get more and more relaxed, following more and more arousal, which allows for more medicine to flow through your body.
This neurological state shift feels a bit like entering a trance.
The deeper the orgasms are, the more you enter into a natural high. This trance state helps you focus your mind on stimulation as you absorb yourself into the sensations. In other words you are less in your head, thinking and more in your body, feeling.
The longer you are arousing yourself and breathing, the deeper you'll go into this altered state of consciousness...what we call 'A Lovers State'.
Clitoral orgasms don't require much of a state shift if you want a quicky. Vaginal orgasms take you a little deeper into your nervous system. So the safer you need to feel. (There are nuances to what 'safe' means – read below). Cervical orgasms go so deep that your whole body, mind and heart is in an open state of receiving.
As you proceed deeper into the body, more and more nerves are activated so it makes sense that the medicine becomes more profound as you enter the 'temple' that is your pussy.
Vaginal orgasms (including G-spot) happen in a deeply relaxed state. Pulsing waves of pleasure roll through the body often accompanying emotional release. The medicine is vulnerability and connection. It can be truly healing to open this way.
Some people experience a lot of emotion coming up with deeper orgasms – it can be truly vulnerable to open up and slow down, to feel and to be seen. So often sex can be a passionate, fast paced blur – so much stimulation overrides the vulnerability of true surrender.
In ourRelease journey, we learn how to relax the body and vagina to welcome deeper orgasmic states. (Begins August).
Other people say they can have vaginal orgasms in situations where they shouldn't feel emotionally safe like in a trauma bond. This can happen because of the attachment circuitry in the brain – where pain is confused as love. These bonds can feel like love and generate a lot of adrenaline and dopamine. It makes sense that these relationships can be highly arousing.They can often feel falsely 'safe' when you're making love (sex gets confused for love). As someone who has experienced this in trauma bonds, what I know now is that once I did find a safe and loving relationship, the layers of depth increased.
Nipples and breasts can be orgasmic. These feel like the sun radiating out of your nipples or heart. The medicine is a feeling of love and connection. It's beautiful and profound (and a little bit funny to have a radiating nipple). Start awakening your breastshere.
Cervical orgasms go deeper again. It provides the most incredible medicine for the body, mind and soul which is why we're so passionate about this path. Cervical orgasms are activated by three sets of nerves. The pelvic, hypogastric and the vagus nerve. They can come the closest to the French description of orgasm as 'Le Petit Morte' – the little death. Because there is parasympathetic dominance (as in, you're deeply relaxed and open), these orgasms open you up to the most subtle parts of you. Cervical orgasms are very energetic in nature – in fact, the experience can feel like you become pure energy or expanded like the ocean. In our last course,Rapture, we explore opening to subtle energy.
We believe that DMT is released during cervical orgasm which creates a spiritual or psychedelic effect. Aside from all the neurochemistry, the vulnerability and connection, the medicine of cervical orgasm is the gift of profound self-knowledge and self-worth. It's a spiritual experience that is life-changing.
Other gifts of cervical orgasm include reframing how you have sex – it becomes true and deep lovemaking. Slow, sensual and energetically alive.
And finally, we know through research that stimulating the cervix for pleasure is great for calming the nervous system (we theorise because of the vagus nerve).
Whole body orgasms – like cervical orgasms, full body orgasms offer the gift of knowing you are more than just physical. Open to these through deep relaxation and breath.
We are all wired to receive the medicine of orgasm – and I don't think there are limits to this. The only limit is what we create with our minds through our beliefs and our conditioning – much of which stores in the body and prevents us from relaxing deeply into our natural state – which is orgasmic. So if you feel stuck, look at what youbelieve is possible. Do you spend time judging yourself, comparing or doubting your body? Or do you believe in your body's wisdom, mastery and it's desire to heal? Can you hang out and receive the benefits of the orgasmic state without climax? Presence and connection is the true medicine – the orgasm is a happy byproduct.
This is your time to come home.
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The information which is provided on this website is not intended to be medical advice, nor does it replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.Please consult with your health practitioner or professional care provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding any health condition or any other condition that you may have before starting any program or course, engaging in any other activity or program described in our content, or using any products provided on our website. Read more.