Loss of the cervix and uterus can be devastating for a woman especially if you don’t have great information for healing - it doesn’t leave you with much hope.
Will you ever have amazing orgasms again? Absolutely! When you realise that orgasms are more than just physical - an entire world of orgasm opens up through your whole body.
We found two women who are living amazing orgasmic lives after having a hysterectomy. In fact they are MORE sexually alive after losing their cervixes. Often it’s our injuries in life that cause us to heal and become better than we were before.
Did you have a full hysterectomy or is your cervix still there?
Barbara: My cervix has been removed as well. I first had a trachelectomy in 2012, followed by a full hysterectomy (after I was tested positive on BRCA2) in 2016.
Kit:I had a full hysterectomy
Were you highly orgasmic before surgery?
Barbara: I would not say “highly”, yet I did have orgasms and they felt very good after I had joined a Tantra group previous to the surgeries. What I had learned and experienced there while and after healing the sexual abuse I had experienced as a child, a teenager and a young woman, everything changed for me. I also learned a tantric self-love ritual, which was adapted to my personal issues (rarely ever having orgasms at all until I faced the cause for my numbness and flight responses when it came to intercourse) at first. Meaning, that I would start doing this ritual by bringing myself to orgasm. The ritual itself is originally intended to learn how to not have common orgasms but learn how to use, to “stir” the orgasmic energy to have full body orgasms; to keep all that energy with(in) you instead of letting it dissolve to the outward world. It means to bring one to experience of the pure life energy created by orgasms flowing through the body and therefore using it for life itself as “fuel”.
Strengthening a being by teaching them this tantric self-love-ritual is a way of teaching a human being to be self-reliant too. That was pretty hard at first, but I kept doing it; the key was to acknowledge my internal judgmental thoughts and accept them by simply saying: thanks for showing up, at least now I know. It was and is a process – whenever I kind of lose myself in daily life I still return to this ritual.
Kit:I was very sexually active but held myself back. I did have quite a lot of sexual energy. I had my first orgasm with a woman, a dear friend, when I was about 29-30. I’m straight so that’s a whole other story. It scared me so much when it happened. The feeling was amazing though. So now... I believe I’m probably an inactive Bi-sexual.Back then I hardly ever even masturbated. I didn’t know how. I was very frustrated sexually.
What did you do to heal yourself?
Barbara: It is not “one” thing that supported me, it was many things that I came across on my path throughout the years. One for sure was the tantric group, the tantric self-love ritual; another one is open communications with other women AND men! Additionally I started yoga, increased being in nature, and started to train my intuition daily with small decisions first. Which I guess is the biggest and most difficult thing ever. As we are trained to ignore our guts, to not trust ourselves and rely on others to tell us what’s good for us – this is a very deep societal thing. Also I did the mirror exercises – and I wrote encouraging sentences on both mirrors in my apartment, so I saw them daily. I also applied quite intense body rituals to daily body care. When putting oil or lotion on my body I had my fav music with me, and the room was heated, felt cozy and warm, and I did take my time to cream my body – I purposefully set a timer to 30 minutes at first. Then would really get in touch with each body part while applying body oil. It was strange in the beginning, my thoughts were quite discouraging and judgmental, with some parts of my body I felt nothing, some I felt weird when I touched them, some felt numb, some were ticklish, some I felt a great sensation - yet I again told myself: thanks for showing up, now I know.
And this also changed depending on what kind of day I had had and how aware I really was in these moments. As well as with continuing these body rituals, the numbness on some body parts completely or partly vanished, the ticklish parts (showing resistance through that) became sensitive parts, those who I had felt weird while touching felt “normal” with time… Important for me was: whatever I feel is okay, is what I feel and needs no analysis. I acknowledged whatever came up at the very moment. Resistance, pain, numbness, grief, tears, anger, judgement… all of it.
I had also journaled afterwards to bring these thoughts out of my system into reality. When I took a shower – not every time – I did the same with shower gel or peelings. Not hurrying up to “be done with it”, but taking my time. It made me aware of how my breath changed when I touched different parts, and this increased my overall awareness for myself. Breathwork also is a part of my life, I've attended Breathwork in regular intervals since 2018, I find it very helpful and supportive.
Kit:Healing myself is an ongoing journey. I did a lot of praying. I really had to get to know my body and allow myself to FEEL. I did breathwork, I experimented with all kinds of sex toys, I took herbs and supplements. I watched videos and did a lot of reaching about sex. I also had vaginal massage sessions and experimented with sex.
Can you describe your orgasm now?
Barbara: Now I know, that each orgasm is unique, and that I do not need to have one to have had great sex or a great relationship with myself. It always depends on my mood, my current state of being. That is one important thing, as I used to put so much pressure on this. Now, when I have orgasms, they make me feel alive, as if there is something way bigger than me, my physical being. I do make a difference between mechanical orgasms to release tension, which I need at times and find very helpful too, and energetic, deep, joyful orgasms, which I can hardly describe, yet I try: when I am so connected with myself, doing my self-love ritual – at times it feels like I am floating and totally grounded at the same time. And powerful, yes, that’s how I feel too. In charge of myself and my life, my happiness, my feelings and emotions.
Having intercourse, when his penis touches (no “bumping” allowed though!) my scar tissue – where my cervix used to be – feels like it is sacred and full of energy; and this energy first goes up my spine, spreads all over my body, sends shivers across my body, straight to my head and down to my toe nails: it is hard to find words for this.. I feel like a queen, like a goddess, like totally connected with all-that-is. And I can also feel how it affects my partner, how he feels this energy too. My connection with myself and with others has become deeper in general. Through everything that happened I was lead to get to know myself, lead to healing a lot.
Kit: Now my orgasms are like rolling thunder. I masturbate daily using my fingers. I keep myself stimulated daily in many ways. Including my nipples. Daily I use my glass dildo to tap my cervix area, then a toy to vibrate my clit and G spot. All that helps me get to a squirting orgasm over and over again. I’m a heavy spraying gushing squirter. Then my clit... oh how I love my clit. Wonderful clit orgasms!!!! I wear lingerie that stimulates my pussy and clit as I walk about through my day. I use a mirror and gaze upon my beautiful body... MY PUSSY.
I dwell and stare at my pussy.
I spend time with myself. Some days that’s a little, some days lots more. There are so many things we can do to feel and enjoy our body.
If you could share with other women who have lost their cervixes, what were the best things you did to awaken pleasure and be an orgasmic being?
Barbara: First: get rid of the pressure/ belief that orgasms are a proof of whatever. Most importantly, change your perspective: you have not “lost” an organ, organs; they simply have fulfilled their purpose and your body is that wise and capable to fill a void, if there actually is one. Means, you are a woman, with or without these organs. Our bodies can handle this and also have the ability to find substitutes within that take over the tasks of these removed organs. BTW: the energetic imprint stays; I still feel my biorhythm, following the course of the moon. This helped me a lot!
Do not judge your thoughts, acknowledge them and be thankful that they come to your attention now. They are guidance, nothing more and nothing less. If you have issues touching your intimate body parts, start with other body parts like your hands or feet – especially the feet, as they carry us through life.
Teach yourself to listen to your inner guidance, your inner voice, so you will one day fully trust it, trust yourself. I did this by asking myself on little daily tasks/ issues: do I really want this now? Then I followed the answer, even if my ego wanted something different. By training myself with small things, I learned to trust myself more and more. Doing this with insignificant things is helpful. The key with all healing “exercises” is: no expectations, but DAILY continuity is THE key. It is okay to feel nothing or overwhelmed – and everything in between too. Have open conversations with people who are affected by what you are going through, even your children and especially your partner/ lover. I had those with my teenage son, and of course, I am aware of cultural differences between Europe and America. Yet if we want to break the old system, the old paradigms, we are the ones who have to do that. No one will do it for us.
Have open conversations with other women of different ages, cultures, beliefs, religions.
Caress yourself, your body, parts of it, i.e. start by simply stroking up and down your lower arm, the back of your hand, while sitting somewhere, be present when using hand cream on your hands, notice how and when your breath changes – that is always a hint.
Take breaks; do not constantly“work” on yourself. Wherever you are – you are whole, you are perfect, and exactly where you are is where you belong in this very moment. Write a journal and learn how to state your current mood without censoring yourself.Learn how to swear – I did and it is soooo helpful too, cleaning my throat chakra. I have a voice and I use it. Stop believing that you need to allow yourself anything – I find this approach extremely harmful. Life needs no allowance at all, it is. You are an orgasmic being, even if you physically do not always have an orgasm. You do not have to.
Find out what you really want and learn how to articulate your needs and wants in every situation; start small with insignificant issues. Touch yourself, touch your yoni, feel her smooth skin, the hair, the shape.
Take a mirror and look at her, do that regularly – to get comfortable with how she looks. Find ways to express yourself with creativity, connect with like-minded women, forget to wear panties underneath a dress every once in a while, so you know how it feels, when your yoni is free.
Stop wearing pjs – let her get some air, at least during the night. Trust your inner guidance, it will lead you to the places and people who are supportive.
Dance… no matter how, as long as it makes you feel good. Yin Yoga is also very helpful, yet be careful right after surgery, even if you did it before; that’s not the best point to start it, wait a couple of weeks.
What I still do daily: I have 5 – 30 minutes of goddess service: I sit with myself in silence. Sometimes 5 minutes, other days it could be 30. Get rid of the belief that only a certain amount of time spent with healing tools makes them effective; 5 minutes of meditation, while sitting on the toilet are better than avoiding 10 minutes of meditation, because your day just doesn’t provide you with this amount of time. Get rid of a certain concept of meditation first. Everything lived in awareness literally IS meditation. Even yelling at someone ;-)
Enjoy your body everyday even if you have only a few minutes.
Stop worrying about everything. Easier said than done but just do it.
Counselling and classes can help too but overall you have to do it yourself for yourself!
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