An intimate ritual for couples

Artwork: Gregor Kalus, ink on paper

I want to share a very precious ritual with you that is possibly one of the most vulnerable things I've ever done.

Have you ever leaned back, opened your legs and allowed a lover to stare at your pussy?

If you want to deal with any leftover shame or feel a new level of connection with your intimate partner, this for me is the thing. It's the most beautiful form of worship and can also be hugely confronting.

When there is no activity, no distraction, just being seen, literally showing a part of you that is usually hidden from the rest of the world, it will help you clear any leftover shame and invite your partner to hold a really strong space for you.

So how to do it?
You may want to create a really beautiful space, fit for viewing the temple of a goddess! Think lighting, music and scent.

Arrange yourself on your bed so you feel comfortable and spread your legs. Invite your lover to gaze at your vulva, almost like a meditation. You can agree to just hold silence for five minutes OR it can be good for your partner to describe what they see in a positive light, gently and consciously explore with touch but without any agenda to turn you on, just to understand.

If shame does come up, encourage yourself to breathe through it.
There's a vulnerable place within you which probably echoes childhood memories or an experience that you’ve had over the years – a comment made about your vagina, conforming to society's ‘ideals’ of what a vagina should look or smell like, an STI.... We hold onto these experiences which evolve into the wounds we carry as women about our genitals. Hold this little girl in you and let her know you're there and you are strong together. Breathe deeply until the sensation of shutdown dissipates. You can also let your partner know that some shame is coming up for you. There's nothing they need to say or do to 'fix' it, just to hold a steady presence for you so that you know they are with you.

This gazing ritual is a beautiful offering and gift for a beloved. It's true willingness to be open to them in the face of fear.

Hey partner – if you're reading this – after you get to rest your gaze on this sacred site, offer words of acknowledgment and appreciation because your loved one might be feeling very tender. What does your partner need now?

Try this ritual to explore the intersection of courage and vulnerability – the place where true intimacy emerges.

Let me know how you go!


(ps: If you haven't looked at your own vulva get a hand mirror and see yourself with an intention to love. )

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Comments (2 Responses)

21 April, 2021


It happened! Thank you thank you thank you for this incredible object. It took a few tries— had some moments of discomfort, boredom and resistance and then i started to feel this sensation moving down my legs. I breathed, I slowed down, inhale, exhale and then the most beautiful sparkling pulsations radiated up and down my whole being— for a long time! I feel so good right now! And triumphant. I never ever thought I would get there and here I am. It did not take months. It was work in the beginning but it the wand is perfect. Again, thank you

21 April, 2021


Thank you for this article, i did it!!!! It was amazing, and he was so appreciative and loving, he made me feel so beautiful. Thank you

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