What is emotional de-amouring and why does it matter?

A key piece in sexual and cervical awakening is a practise we call de-armouring. De-armouring is a method to release tension and sometimes trauma that is stored in the body as a result of the nervous system moving into fight, flight or freeze mode.

If a challenging or traumatic event happens in your life and you don’t release the energy, it locks in the body and nervous system. Like a fragile, wounded home to these emotions, the body builds tissue around it for protection. You may experience this as lumpy, numb, uncomfortable, hard or painful tissue anywhere in the body.

Our focus at Self:Cervix is how it manifests within the body, cervix and in the vagina. We explore safe ways to release these holdings which prevent us from relaxing into pleasure.

Through my years of working as a sexologist and with women/those with cervixes, I have noticed that if old emotional triggers are left unattended, we will continue to move into fight, flight or freeze mode in reaction to others. This could look like suppressing a cry, seething in anger but withholding in fear of losing the other person, avoiding communication or blaming others. We may try to protect and control. Intimacy itself can bring up our emotional wounds as we hide or protect from vulnerability.

Emotional de-armouring is a process for emotional release. We learn to notice the emotions that control and protect us from feeling the hidden emotion beneath. We then feel this emotion and release it from the body.


This process requires a lot of self-love and holding, especially when we are facing challenging parts of ourselves - like our alone-ness or our inner-critic. The way we can love ourselves through it is with Self:Partnership. This is a choice to literally be there for ALL of yourself.

For example, it seems counter-intuitive to learn to send compassion to our judging, critical parts, but we have internalised these voices for a reason. At some point in our lives we had to change to get love and avoid loss. The inner critic is a control mechanism that we use to belong. In a strange, dark way, the critic helped us be who we needed to be in order to ‘survive’. When we self-partner we acknowledge the pain of our inner critic and stop resisting it. Once this part or our psyche is heard, it begins to lose its hold.

Obviously we don’t want to be stuck in our survival emotions and behaviours - reacting from wounded parts, tensing the body in fear, having to avoid intimacy or challenge because we’re afraid of the outcome. If we can get to the root cause of pain though Self:Partnership, we can begin to unlock unhealthy patterns from the body.

For me this literally feels like living as a new person with a new best friend - me!

When our hearts become free from emotional baggage, this is what starts to happen:

You start valuing yourself and trusting yourself - this is the biggest gift you’ll ever receive

The biggest revelation for me was learning that the foundation of healthy boundary setting and having needs met in a relationship is self worth. It seems so simple and yet, there are so many messages we get as women that could make us question our value.

For example, all the images in the media telling us how to look, all the articles online about how to make yourself love-able to a man (or whoever you want to attract). These are just two of the ways a woman’s worth is put under the microscope in order for us to spend a lot of time fixing or changing to become better.

Self-worth is an inside job and once you get it, it’s like the jewel in the crown.

Your energy is available for love-making and orgasm

When you’re in a state of fight, flight or freeze, all of your energy moves to your extremities. Your body is preparing to fight or run. If you don’t have much libido or you struggle to let go for sex, you’re most likely feeling unsafe within your nervous system. This can be very subtle. For example, even not feeling comfortable in your body can cause tension and subtle disassociation. In order to move through this, it is necessary to get to the root - what is the shame trying to protect you from feeling?

You become the source of your own love

You stop relying on other people to feed you love. You have spent time with your own heart in a loving and nurturing way and so you become the source of love. The other person may provide a key to the lock of love within you, but over time, it is you that needs to sustain this connection to love through Self:Partnership.

Cervical orgasm unites the heart and the cervix

Cervical orgasm is a state of love. Your heart expands into bliss. Your whole being is love. If you are holding onto resentment, bitterness, fear or any number of contracting emotions, again it’s hard to feel open.

We can learn to be with ourselves and these emotions. We can learn from them.There is always a new way to be or an action we can take to start to heal these wounds and clear emotions as they come up so they don’t get locked in the nervous system and body.

For me, there is only one relationship to master in this life. That’s the one I have with myself. When I partner with myself all of my relationships will mirror my own self-respecting centre.

To learn more about Self:Partnership, sign up to our FREE masterclass on Emotional De-Armouring for Cervical Orgasm & True Self-Love and join us on our NEW Self:Partnership course starting on 26th Of July.

Note to readers: Everyone’s emotional de-armouring journey will be different. We all have had different things to live through - some of us more challenging than others. It’s important to see a trained therapist if you have suffered through childhood sexual or verbal abuse or physical violence as a child.

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The information which is provided on this website is not intended to be medical advice, nor does it replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.Please consult with your health practitioner or professional care provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding any health condition or any other condition that you may have before starting any program or course, engaging in any other activity or program described in our content, or using any products provided on our website. Read more.

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